1. |
Bought & Sold
05:29
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With the winter comes the cold
And the lakes of frozen water
Take shelter in the fold
To keep warm our sons & daughters
We were full of a sweet and bitter splendor
Because we were bought & sold
By the Indiana summer
The memory
It stays in place
& remains the same
With no one to blame
Put on that heavy coat
Hiding front and center
Believing in a ghost
& that I was the worst of every sinner
But who I've been
Isn't who I'll be forever
Another year comes to an end
With no blood upon that dagger
The memory
It stays in place
& remains the same
With no one to blame
But it's the fear in me
Smoldering
Maintaining speed
With loss of feeling
The years have not been kind
To you all old friend of mine
Those cold December times
To them you'll pay no mind
Now here at your wit's end
Remember what they meant
Motion sets the trend
So free your self & blend
The memory
It stays in place
& remains the same
With no one to blame
But it's the fear in me
Smoldering
Maintaining speed
With loss of feeling
The cold will come and go
& it'll cut us to the center
Heavy handed ebb and flow
Somehow always moving forward
But it won't last
As we stay so close together
Because we were bought & sold
By the Indiana Summer
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2. |
Many Years
05:29
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It’s been many years since that night in your car
Outside your house and that talk we talked
You spoke of the evils in your stepdad’s safe
And how you could use them to map your escape
You looked at me
And with tears streaming down your cheeks
You said to me
That in death you’d find some peace
I disagreed
And I took your hand in mine
Just so you’d know
That I’d never leave your side
I meant what I said, or I did at the time
The months, they grew colder
Well, so did I
You tried to be strong for me like I was for you
Our demons were stronger than we ever knew
I looked at you
And with tears streaming down my cheeks
I said to you
That without you, I’d find peace
You walked away
Just like you should have done
Into his arms
And he’d show you what love was
It’s been many years since I last saw your face
Inside that restaurant and almost engaged
No one can prepare for the trials that come
Clutch to your strength and just hope it’s enough
About my age
Riddled with cancer of the brain
Things aren’t the same
And there’s nothing I could say
Except I hope he wins
This god-forsaken war
And you will remain
Fulfilled forevermore
Forever
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3. |
Golden Rule
04:15
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You told me to watch my mouth
That God was listening, so wash it out
Clean out the colors and the expletive words
They were a burden of depreciative worth
You said them the same, just like I did
With a four letter punch, and a banter-like bid
Talk is so cheap when you’re always right
No more biting down, no more goddamn fights
I almost preferred those nights
To barely existing in the shadow of the moonlight
I almost preferred those nights
I did
I guess it turned out right
Long Chicago drives and the short summer nights
It was well in my heart
You said it’s not like you didn’t give a shit
This wasn’t a mistake because we had learned from it
Maybe you’re right because you so often are
But why was getting rid of me such a victory scar?
I almost preferred the lies
That we were happy in the shadow of the moonlight
I almost preferred the lies
I did
I guess it turned out right
Long Chicago drives and the short summer nights
It was well in my heart
But we kept coming up short
By quite a few miles and I think you just got bored
It wasn’t well in your heart
We’ve got no time for recompense
We drew our line bordered in the suspense
Haven’t talked to you since
Since you got out of my car and all we were was past tense
It wasn’t well in my heart
Bet you moved on quick
Not to someone else but all the things that you missed
It wasn’t well in your heart
But I’m cleaning up nice
Got a new job, and I just finished school
It looks like we both win
Now I’m out of your life
And I’m writing it down just to try and remind
Remind myself that we both win
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4. |
STH
05:17
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Wipe the dust off the frame
Of this picture of you and me
It all seems so long ago
It was me and my guitar
And you were sitting behind those drums
Before you got your first tattoo
I remember our talks
About your walk with Jesus
And how you weren’t quite sure where you stood
I was so self righteous
To think I had an answer
Because now I see I’m just as lost as you
Just as lost as you
Yeah, I'm just as lost as you
I’m but half a state away
But everything has changed
The drugs, the sex, the booze, they claimed your soul
All those people you befriended
They took you down with them
Now I’m wondering were they ever friends at all
Were they ever friends at all?
You’re sitting outside
Wait for your time
Heard the gunshot
And you ran for your life
I can’t help but blame myself
I should’ve been a better brother
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5. |
Ambrose
04:28
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I could’ve sworn that I saw your chest moving up and down
Like you were still breathing and your body was safe and sound
I can still hear your voice in the back of my mind
The end of suffering comes at such a detrimental price
I could’ve sworn that I just saw you a few short months ago
You were there for my sister’s wedding and you seemed indestructible
I can still hear your laugh in the back of my mind
There’s no other way to say it, I miss you all the time
I was never so good at letting go
Of the things that hurt the most
You never showed signs of slowing down
But I guess we all have to somehow
When you closed your eyes
And you found your way home
I hope the angels led you in
Like that Jimmy Eat World song goes
I could’ve sworn that my dad just called me to tell me that you had died
I didn’t have the strength to face it, so I drank myself blind
Immortalized here on this page I will write
The end of suffering and a family’s love that never dies
I was never so good at letting go
Of the things that hurt the most
You never showed signs of slowing down
But I guess we all have to somehow
When you closed your eyes
And you found your way home
I hope the angels led you in
Like that Jimmy Eat World song goes
You no longer have to fight
Because you won the war
You left your pain in this life
And above us you’ll soar
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6. |
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7. |
Brown Eyes
03:31
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I don’t know how to feel
As the months keep racing by
You’re not even here
But you haven’t left my mind
Shaking off the cold you left me frozen in that ice
With no explanation, just a cold, fucked up goodbye
Brown eyes, no lies
When you brushed me off your skin
And the ice began to thaw
Did the comfort settle in?
Did it matter it to you at all?
I’m not one to place the blame on anything but my
Self destructive cavalcade of intrusive thoughts
Brown eyes, no lies
No, I didn’t have it in me
The want, will, or need
To pretend like I didn’t want you back
Or ever be what you need
But it’s all the same thing
You never wanted to be
Any less than free to fly and never to clip your wings
And I know you were right
I just couldn’t see your side
You needed what I couldn’t give
And baby, that’s alright
That’s alright
Brown eyes, no lies
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8. |
Guilty
03:19
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Karma’s a bitch
And it’s coming back around again
To soothe the hearts
You beat inside your children
Damned if I do
Damned if I don’t again
The damage is done
And you get to live with it
Don’t fucking lie to me
I know that you love to be
The center of every shit show
You wonder how hard it’d be
To steal her identity
And make that little girl take off her clothes
You didn’t think it was wrong
You just stood by and watched it all
Blind as your love
That makes for the thinnest walls
You’ll kick and you’ll scream
About every calamity
While your little kids sleep
Robbed of their purity
I thought I knew you
Don’t fucking lie to me
I know that you love to be
The center of every shit show
You wonder how hard it’d be
To steal her identity
And make that little girl take off her clothes
Don’t fucking lie to me
This childhood piracy
Is painted all over your face
I wonder how hard it’d be
To make you wake up and see
That you’re just as guilty as he is
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9. |
...cleanser
00:54
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10. |
Safety First
05:27
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I long for those nights
Where we sat out on my porch, drinking
All our fears
Disappeared in the songs playing
There was nothing else
Except the company that we were keeping
All was well
The brisk early fall breeze blowing
We would glide
Down these Fountain Square streets, talking
About how
We were stuck in the middle as children, growing
Up through the years
We were the same, but some how different, breathing
The same old smoke
Looking out at the circle city, glowing
No I wouldn’t trade
Trade a goddamn thing
I have changed
For the worse and for the better, reaching
Out to
Breakable truths for comfort, thinking
There was something wrong
Maybe something that I was missing
All I need
Is to hear all of you speaking
No I wouldn’t trade
This for anything
No I wouldn’t trade
Trade a goddamn thing
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